Each year I try to pick a word or phrase that I can use to guide me through the coming year. This activity helps me focus my thoughts and feelings on what I have done and what I wish to accomplish. It is a process of evaluation that is more general than a resolution, but it helps guide me and direct me as I set goals throughout the whole year.
2019 was a pretty amazing year. While there were so many ups; two new grand-babies, a family trip to Orlando Florida, and Lela graduating high school and going to college are just a few, there were also some pretty big lows. The most serious of these was a mysterious illness that Rick contracted the first of October. I have never seen my giant of a husband laid so low. One doctor referred to him as conundrum, because so many of his symptoms were contradictory. These symptoms were determined to most closely resemble Leukemia or a form of lymphoma. How that opinion knocked the wind right out of us. How grateful I was for family and friends who offered us support. How the decision that no, it wasn't cancer, but a virus he would eventually recover from, left us feeling overjoyed and humbled at the same time.
There was one day when I had things I NEEDED to do, but Rick could not be left alone because his heart rate was so high. Also because of his heart rate, he could not do more than ride in the car, no wandering the aisles of the grocery store. I felt I was at my end. I told Heavenly Father I couldn't do it anymore; it felt like it was more than I could bear. Heavenly Father heard my prayer. NO, Rick was not miraculously healed, but Emily came home and sat with her dad. While at the grocery store, every person that I needed to talk to just happened to have stopped by the store to pick something up, so I was able to cross my phone calls off my list. Then the store didn't have something I needed and I didn't know how I was going to find the time the next day to get it. Who should cross my path, but the exact person who was able to go to the back and find what I needed. I left the store that night knowing that the I was a beloved daughter of Heavenly Father and that my elder brother, Jesus Christ, knew my heart and was ready to help my through this trial. How grateful I was for that reminder.
We've now had three weeks of Rick appearing to improve. His heart rate has returned to normal. He put some weight back on and is able to eat. He is driving again and back to work full-time. He even went for a walk on the treadmill. New Year's Eve happened. Rick came home from work and said he felt stuffy. Understandable, all the family time we've had this year has allowed us to pass a cold around and back again. We decided while the kids partied, we would have a cozy, quiet night at home. Rick went to pick up burritos from our local Costa Vida for dinner. When he got home, he was gasping for breath. Sure enough, his heart rate had spiked again. Hours later, it was still higher than it should be. This morning when he woke up, it was back to normal, until he walked to the kitchen and then it went right back up.
I am sure that this is just a blip in the overall recovery from the previous illness, aggravated by this cold. The doctor (specialist) told us to expect six to eight weeks to recover completely and Rick has a follow-up appointment in a couple of weeks. But thoughts of "what if" entered my thoughts this morning as I sat in my living room looking at the beauty out my window and pondering the new year.
In the Book of Mormon, Nephi tells his father that he would go and do what had been asked of him.(1 Nephi 3:7). He didn't say this because he knew everything was going to perfectly work out or even how he was going to accomplish what had been asked of him. What Nephi did know was that the Lord was aware of him. Nephi knew that nothing would be asked of him that he could not accomplish. So Nephi did not doubt, took the leap and acted in faith.
As these thoughts and memories circulated in my mind, an idea coalesced and I knew that my Word (Phrase) of the Year for 2020 will be:
ACT IN FAITH!!!!
Life has no guarantees. A friend shared this quote by William Arthur Ward, "This bright new year is given to me to live each day with zest, to daily grow and try to be my highest and my best." As I look to each new day in 2020, I will try to remember the lesson from the grocery store. As I look to each new day in 2020, I will remember to look to my Savior in my every thought and fear not. As I look to each new day in 2020, I will remember Nephi's example to ACT IN FAITH. Through this year, I hope to strengthen my relationships with my family, develop stronger friendships, increase my testimony of the love my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ for me and more fully understand the Atonement of the Savior and how it applies to me.
May all of you find in 2020 those things that are most important and that will bring you the greatest joy is my humble pray.
