The Watchman

The Watchman

Thursday, November 25, 2010


A friend asked me why I hadn't posted anything lately. My recent post about the boys actually took two months to write. I have to admit that I have been suffering from a bout of depression. I keep thinking that there is no reason that I should be depressed. Our house is finally under construction, we have a roof over our heads, my job is stabilizing so I can somewhat catch up and not spend all my time putting out fires, Rick's job continues to engage him and our children are all doing well. Yet this feeling of being overwhelmed and not able to cope continues. I break into tears with the least provocation and not even a round of retail therapy works. In fact a trip to the grocery store can be exhausting. The reality is that we have not been taking care of ourselves physically, mentally or spiritually. It is too easy to focus on the negative aspects of our situation and let the stress overwhelm us and impact our health. We have had a wake up call and are working on putting things back into perspective.

Here are some thoughts I have had recently on perspective. As we worked to finalize our house plans, alot of time and effort was put in to insuring that we were building a home comparable in size and features to our former home. In order to reduce the size of the footprint on the lot, we have added a basement. We have also been in a couple of homes that have been built using the same basic floor plan, so it is interesting to see how the perception of the lot and our house changes as the construction begins. We have gone from our lot is huge to will the house be able to fit; from "Mom, this really can't be our house and garage, because it is no bigger than the playhouse" to "Oh my heck, do we really need all this room?" (The bank says yes to that question.) Just as our property space is being redefined, the perspective we use to look at life defines and redefines us.

Here are some stories of inspiration that I have witnessed the last couple of months that have truly inspired - Friends who were in the process of moving from their home worked to insure that my children would not have to move again until our new house was built; a dear friend who while coping with a life-changing crisis with her son had the courage to make a fundamental change in her own life and yet still had the awareness and compassion to share her love and home with others; a young couple facing both the challenges of new baby and life-threatening illness continued to put others ahead of themselves and were amazed and humbled at the response of others to them; dear friends who face their challenges with a sense of humor and gratitude for their blessings; business owners who go above and beyond the normal course of business time and again with no expectation of compensation even when it impacts their personal life; the men I work with on a daily basis who go out of their way to serve the community with integrity, professionalism and compassion knowing that their efforts will probably never be recognized; and an amazing community that steps up time and time again to help each other truly exempliflying the Savior's admonition to love thy neighbor as thyself.

As always, I am inspired by my family - parents who continue to give and serve their children while setting an example of unconditional love and faith; my children: Hunter who continues to faithfully serve the Lord and people of Montana even when faced with opposition, his list of gratitude was truly humbling (family, friends, my mission, beautiful sunrises, scriptures, prayer, my testimony, church leaders, the prophet, Montana, cars, heaters, trench coats, house, the fire that burned our house, snow, trials, people who tell us no, people who tell us yes, other missionaries, President and Sister Gardner, food, this country, the soldiers that laid down their lives defending freedom, the soldiers that are still fighting, technology, science, school, education, mail, money, clothes, rain, sunshine, moonlight, stars, this Earth we have to live on, Mormon Tabernacle choir, other music, movies, chess, board games, card games, my health, my life, my eyes, my fingers, my mouth, my hair, my legs, my brain, my heart, chemistry, history, math, English, talents, gifts, the love of our Heavenly Father, the gift of the Holy Ghost, and especially the atoning sacrifice of our Savior Jesus Christ), and for Wil, Jon, Lela and Emy who have faced this year with courage, humor, resiliency, compassion, faith and love. I am in awe at how even the youngest has stepped up to take care of themselves and each other so that Rick and I can focus on work, insurance companies and contractors.

I am so blessed.

1 comment:

  1. Oh hon, it's BECAUSE the worst part of the crisis is over that you're breaking down now. It just wasn't possible for you to do it in the midst of it all. A little PTSD of it's own kind. Now that you don't have to be strong every second (just 90% of the time) your mind and body are reacting.

    Be good to yourself (and patient with yourself). Get as much downtime to do NOTHING PRODUCTIVE that you can. Let your mind and body rest a little before the chaos of moving begins anew. The BAD stress is almost behind you. I love you guys! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! (gotta go- rolls need to come out of the oven!)