Death, Facebook and Media

I recently finished reading "Death by Facebook".  One of the plot lines utilized by author Everett Peacock was the announcement of a death on social media.  The presentation of the concept in this case dealt with family members first learning of the death of a loved one by reading it on Facebook and followed their subsequent reaction.  

I have read many tributes on Facebook written by friends regarding loved ones who have passed on.  These tributes are often more heartfelt and more personal than what is normally found in a newspaper obituary.  They allow the individual left behind to voice their feelings in a forum that allows for expression without the requirement for response.  It becomes a way for us to support one another and provide our strength and prayers to a friend in need no matter how near or far away we may be.  

I have a friend who has worked tirelessly to a create a tribute album to individuals who have passed on that were associated with our high school.  This has provided us a way to eulogize these individuals and remember the good times as a group.  

While I have not experienced the death of an immediate family member, I do know that our family was the recipient of this level of support and comfort when our house was destroyed.  Those immediate messages of support helped us get through the shock of those first days.  Then there were the continued messages checking in on us as we rebuilt.  It never failed that on the days that I felt the worst, someone would say something that would help me.

When I first pondered the idea of a parent learning that a child had died by reading it on Facebook, my reaction was that it could never happen.  Then I remembered that my cousin learned about our home on the ten o'clock news.  She had been travelling to Southern Utah to visit us, had arrived later than expected and had tried to reach us by phone after checking into her hotel.  When she couldn't reach us, she decided to go to bed and try again in the morning.  It was then that she turned on the news to see pictures and video of our home in flames.  

I have also had friends who have turned on the TV or gone online to learn of family members involved in accidents as the media hustles to provide "Breaking News".  In one extreme case, the media broadcast an image of the body bags lying on the side of the road next to the crumpled remains of the family car. The days of withholding information till next of kin has been notified are no more.  The need to be first and most sensational rule over compassion.

Now I have learned that there is an app that will allow an individual to compose their last words to be published to their Facebook page after they have died.  While the developer has tried to implement safeguards to prevent an accidental posting, I don't know enough about how the app works to know how effective these precautions will be.  Since I do believe that life continues beyond what we know here on Earth, I can't help but imagine the hurt that could be caused by such a posting, especially by someone who approached the app with a sense of flippancy or an attitude that it is just another Facebook game.  

While I can also see the peace that may be provided to those left behind, I would hope that I can live my life so that those I leave behind will know how I feel without needing to read it on the web.  Every morning as my children leave for school, I make sure to tell them that I love them.  My husband and I never go our separate ways without a kiss goodbye, even if it is just running up the street to get a gallon of milk.  I try to never end a phone call or a  online chat with a family member without saying I love you.  I try to let my friends know on a regular basis how much I appreciate the role they have in my life, whether in person or online.  I  have no great words of wisdom that I feel compelled to leave, but I hope to live a life that will leave the world in a better place.

Let's Make a List

I don't know how I would function without my lists - To Do list, Shopping list, Important Numbers list, User Name and Password list, Packing list, Birthday list, Valentine's List and especially my Christmas list.  I've found as I am getting older, I am relying on my lists more and more to help me remember all those things running around in my head.  I even have a list for things I want to blog about.

There is nothing like a list to help me focus, remember what needs to be done and provide a sense of accomplishment when the last item is checked off.  Because of this, my lists are personal and meaningful to me and usually to me alone.  They are often written in shorthand that only I can understand and sometimes my husband if he is feeling especially in tune with me that day.  So I  have become very frustrated with the need Facebook has to assign my friends to a list.

I have been Facebooking for two and a half years now.  I know that is not as many as some, but it is longer than others.  When I first started, I created some basic lists with titles like Family, Ricks College, High School, South Ogden, etc.  While these categories may have been meaningless to anyone else, they readily allowed me to check in on specific groups of friends and receive or relate information that would only be pertinent to those in the category.  There were also those friends that were just that - friends; with no other connection than we had made a connection and wanted to keep in touch via social media.

So now Facebook has decided to "improve" on how the List feature works.  This doesn't bother me too much except for three little things:

1. Now when I assign a friend to a list, FB lets them know.  I have received feedback from friends asking why they were being added to a specific list and in one case the friend let me know that she had been able to delete themself from my list.

2. Facebook is randomly populating my already established lists with other friends.  One example is a list I had that were friends from high school.  This list consisted of those friends that I attended Clearfield High with.  Now this list contains anyone who used the words "High School" in their profile.

3. Facebook is generating lists for me based on my profile and then populating them with friends who have similar features in their profile.  The other night I added Stevens-Henager Business School to my profile.  Within just a few minutes there was a list category entitled Stevens-Henager and it had friends added to it.  While it is interesting to know that these friends attended the same business school I did, they did not attend with me.

While I have always enjoyed FB making suggestions for friends, since it has helped me locate individuals I may not have otherwise found, I do not appreciate the need it now appears to have to categorize my life.  To me a list is only meaningful to the person who makes it.  With these changes to the List feature on Facebook, the lists generated may have meaning to the company, but they are proving meaningless to me.