The Most Important Job

When you hold your baby in your arms the first time, and you think of all the things you can say and do to influence him, it's a tremendous responsibility. What you do with him can influence not only him, but everyone he meets and not for a day or a month or a year but for time and eternity.

- Rose Kennedy

Parenting is hard.  I think anyone who is a parent would agree and probably most who have never had children would as well.  It is probably the hardest job anyone could ever have.  And yes it is a job!  It is a job that when done right requires more work, more commitment and more attention than anything else you will ever do in your life.  It is 24 hours 7 days a week with no holidays, vacation or sick days given, but the benefits are out of this world.  It is the only job where we are not required to receive any formalized training and for most of us the only training received is from watching our own parents or on the job.

I have been reaping some of the benefits lately as I watch my two oldest children start to find success in their "grown-up" lives.  

Hunter received his Bachelor of Science Degree from USU
and has his first job teaching science and math.

Wil served as a translator during the St. George Marathon for the delegation from Japan

I know I am not a perfect parent.  I sometimes yell.  I get discouraged.  I have even been known to leave a child sitting at school when they expected to be picked up.  It is because I know that I am imperfect and have had my doubts, that I am doubly grateful that my children are becoming successful and productive adults. (Knock on wood since we are only halfway there.)

At the beginning of the week I went to lunch with son #2.  I had heard on the news that morning a story detailing how a child's perception of favoritism can lead to substance abuse.  (Read the article here)  I asked son #2 if he thought his dad and I had a favorite child.  He said he didn't think we did (insert my very brief sigh of relief), he knew we did because it was obviously him.  (Insert shocked look on my face.  Well maybe not so shocked since I knew which son I was talking to.)  He did say that he had come to realize that some of his siblings take more time and effort than others and not just by Rick and me as parents, but by the family as a whole.  He also said that the one needing more attention is often changing as life changes.  I thought this was very insightful for someone who is just embarking on adulthood.  I was impressed by his maturity.

Read more about the Proclamation on the Family by clicking here.

I firmly believe that the principles contained in the LDS Proclamation on the Family are the best possible scenario in which to raise happy, healthy and responsible children.  Today I read an article about the importance of PDA (public display of affection) in marriage. (You can read it here.) As I read it, I reflected on how Rick has never been one to shy away from holding my hand or giving me a quick kiss goodbye.  I love my eternal companion.  I could not have imagined a better partner through life's journey.  

I have always believed in the concepts of bonding, boundaries and mentoring;

• Bonding - spend time together, support each other in individual activities, participate in activities as a family and be involved and invested in each other, 
• Boundaries - have family rules and consequences for breaking those rules, make sure that the rules are understood by all, each child is different and unique so rules need to take into account those differences.  Children do not have to agree with the rules because you are the parent and establishing the rules that help the family run smoothly is your job, but they need to understand the rules and the consequences for not following the rules.
• Mentoring - be involved in your child's life, know their friends, Friend your child on Facebook, follow them on Twitter and Instagram or any other social media, know your child's passwords, go to parent/teacher conferences, do the hard stuff even when it is inconvenient or when they protest.

A great website in Utah for helping with these concepts is ParentsEmpowered.org.  I became aware of this site when I was teaching classes on the effects of alcohol on an adolescent's brain for the police department where I worked.  I found it to be a site that summed up my feelings towards successful parenting in a succinct and often humorous way.

Video from the LDS Church - It's About Time Mormon Ad Campaign

At the end of the week, a friend of mine who is a new mom asked if I thought her child was doing alright.  She told me that she was so bombarded by people telling her what she should and shouldn't be doing that she was beginning to doubt herself.   I felt strongly to reassure her that she was doing a good job.  Many will sit on the sidelines and second guess our decisions - the Monday Morning Quarterbacks of Parenthood, but as a parent we know our children best and when we are trying and listening we will know what that child needs at a given time.  

We can educate ourselves from the best books written by the foremost experts on the subject; we can attend classes and seminars; we can search the internet for tips on successful parenting, but I still believe that the most important thing our children need is our time.  At the end of the day, these children are their own individuals and will one day leave our home and start their own adult lives and make their own adult choices.  The time we spend with them and the tools we give them will provide them the foundation they build on for the rest of their lives.  Those lives will be their choice and when that day comes, we need to let them know that we love them and if they need it, we still have time for them.

Read more about how to have a successful family here. 

Watch more great videos about time with your family here.

A Taste of Heaven

Today I got a little peek at what I imagine Heaven to be like.  After attending our normal church meetings with our own congregation, Rick and I went with our oldest son Hunter to attend the mission report of Hunter's mission president while he served a mission for our church in the Montana Billings Mission.

As we walked into the chapel, Hunter was immediately surrounded by other young men and women, along with a few older couples.  In turn, all put their arms around him and hugged him, welcomed him, and told him that they loved him.  When President Gardner stood to speak, he broke into tears of gratitude and joy and said words could not express how overwhelming it was to be in the presence of a visual representation of all the support they had received during the three years they served the Lord full time.  Sister Gardner expressed the same feelings.

Elder Hunter Wixom with President Larry and Sister Carol Ann Gardner
August 2009

As I listened to the words of these two individuals who took such good care of my son for two years and as I watched the reunion that took place this afternoon, I was filled with a sense of love and joy and the knowledge that this is what heaven will be.  I know that there are many on the other side that love me and are cheering me on.  These individuals want me to succeed and offer help when they can.  One day, we will be reunited and I will be met with open arms and tears of joy.  There will be many hugs and professions of love.

It is this knowledge that helps firm my resolve to be the best person I can be.  I do not want to disappoint those that are cheering me on, especially my elder brother and Savior, Jesus Christ and my Father in Heaven.


I hope you will enjoy this video and find it as inspiring and uplifting as I did.

"Have I Done Any Good in the World Today?" with Alex Boyé and Carmen Rasmusen Herbert 

I Love to See the Temple

Rick's dad and stepmom are visiting Utah this week.  Yesterday we spent the day in Salt Lake City "shopping" in the new City Creek Center, although more looking was done than shopping, and visiting the adjacent LDS Church sites of Temple Square, LDS Conference Center and Church Office Building.  Here are some fun photos of the day.

Sitting by one of the many statues in the City Creek Center

In front of the Salt Lake Temple with Rick's dad

I love this image of Christ putting his arms around my children

Had to check out Wil's choir seat in the Conference Center

The roof of the Conference Center

With our host, Leigh, touring the roof gardens of the Conference Center.
You can only go on the roof with a host.

Photo on the roof of the Conference Center.  We were asked to look into the
photo to find ourselves in the reflection.  The photo represents the family of man.

All of us with the Salt Lake Temple in the background.  Thanks Leigh for being
our photographer.

The State Capitol from the 26th Floor Observation Deck of the Church Office Building.

Looking onto the Conference Center.

Looking on to Temple Square.

This was our first visit with our girls to Temple Square.  They absolutely loved it and all the interactive exhibits.  Rick's dad commented on the sense of peace and love he felt being in this special place. It reminded me of the song my children have learned in Primary:

I love to see the temple.

I’m going there someday

To feel the Holy Spirit,

To listen and to pray.

For the temple is a house of God,

A place of love and beauty.

I’ll prepare myself while I am young;

This is my sacred duty.

I love to see the temple.

I’ll go inside someday.

I’ll covenant with my Father;

I’ll promise to obey.

For the temple is a holy place

Where we are sealed together.

As a child of God, I’ve learned this truth:

A family is forever.

(I Love to See The Temple, Words and music: Janice Kapp Perry, b. 1938)

With my sweetheart.  We were sealed together for eternity  in the Salt Lake Temple.

And the Word of the Year is .......

Cherish

cher·ish/ˈCHeriSH/

Verb:

Protect and care for (someone) lovingly: "he cherished me in his heart".

Hold (something) dear.

Synonyms:

nurse - nourish - foster

The word of the year is a concept that my friend Cynthia Bee (aka Cindy) introduced to me in her blog Creative Chaos.  The idea is that rather than making resolutions that we know we will never keep past the first weeks of the new year, you choose a word that can help you focus your actions throughout the year.  It seems such a simple concept, but as I have thought about it the last few weeks I have realized that it can become a life-changing exercise.

So why did I choose "Cherish" as my focal point for 2012?  Because life can move fast and at times my life has been trying to set a new land-speed record.  I need to slow down and take time to smell the daisies or the roses or the tulips.  (Maybe I need to tip-toe through the tulips?)  So here are some of the things I plan to cherish during the coming year.  I know this list will be added to as the year progresses and some items will vary in their priority,  but like any goal you need to start.

1. My marriage and my husband - More and more I am reminded how truly blessed I am to have such a wonderful partner in life and for eternity.  There is no one I would rather be with.  He can always bring a smile to my face and his support for me is limitless.  I want to insure that he knows how much I appreciate him and support him.

2. My children - 2011 really brought home the point that times in the Wixom house are changing.  This is good, but I don't want to look back and regret that I just let these days pass me by.

3. My family - Same reasons as above.

4. My friends - Just as I have been blessed with a wonderful family, I have also been blessed with amazing and supportive friends.  Life can so easily take us apart.  Through Facebook I have been able to reconnect with many friends I thought I had lost.  I want to continue to nourish those refound relationships.  And I want to take a time to let be there and not lose those friends I have now.

5. My community - I love where I live.  It is the best place in the world for our family.  It has given us so much and it is now time for me to focus some time and energy on giving back.  Whether it is volunteering in the schools, making myself knowledgeable of issues in the community, serving on activity committees; I know I can contribute to this place.

6. My church service - I have a strong testimony of Jesus Christ as my Savior.  He has sacrificed so much that my life can be better.  In return, He asks for so little in comparison.  Often when we are asked to give service, we refer to it as work.  Yes, it can be hard at times.  Yes, it can take away from other things we would like to be doing.  But right now I have been entrusted to serve a very choice group of young girls and provide them with experiences that will help them grow closer to Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father.  In time this may change and the Lord will find some other way for me to serve, something else he will entrust in to my care,  but now it is twenty-three amazing and bright daughters of God.

7. Myself - I know that I will not have the energy or strength to give to anyone or anything else, if I do not  take care of myself.  Last year, I tried "to get in shape", and it was as you would expect such a goal to be.  I hope that a new perspective will help me gain a greater appreciation for myself.

So here is to 2012! No resolutions to break!  Nothing to feel guilty about not accomplishing!  If you were to pick a Word of the Year, what would it be?  Something to think about.

Where'd My Little Boy Go?

Over the weekend, our home was the scene of more chaos than normal as friends and family descended upon us to celebrate and support Wil preparing to leave for his LDS mission in Japan.  With everyone coming and going at different times, the only firm item on the agenda was the 9 AM worship service that included Wil on the program.  I have to say that this casual approach to scheduling allowed us to relax and enjoy each others company.  Time was spent climbing rocks in Pioneer Park, jumping on the trampoline, playing games, putting together a puzzle, shopping, attending the temple, taking pictures and eating.  Most important was the time we were able to spend just talking.

Of course, talking led to reminiscing.  My niece, Brittney, commented on how much she enjoys hearing the stories from when we were all young.  We do remember to utilize liberal editing in the retelling of some of these adventures.  Not that any of us were ever really wicked, but as parents, we don't see the need to encourage them to try and out do us.  I remember one time Wil asked how his dad and I always knew what he was up to.  I responded that there was little he could do that one or the other of us hadn't done and we knew how to recognize the signs.  With the way society has become today, the adage "kids will be kids" can lead to a lot more heartache than a few missing rolls of toilet paper from the bathroom cabinet.

Rick and I always said that as our children got older, we would more fully answer their questions.  The phrase "When they grow up..." has been used quite frequently.  So it has now shocked us to realize that our sons have reached that "grown up" stage in life.  They now ask the questions that require the harder answers.  "Because that's the way it is" is no longer enough of an answer.  They have also reached a point that the concepts of repentance and forgiveness have real meaning.  Wil gave a beautiful talk in our worship service on the subject of forgiveness.  Two very important points he addressed were that forgiveness of others is necessary for our own growth and peace and that when we ask for forgiveness, we also must be willing to forgive ourselves.  

Sunday evening my sister Jody and I were talking.  She looked at me and asked if when I look at my children do I see them as they are now or is now an overlay on what they were when they were younger.  She said it is hard for her to see Hunter without his chubby baby cheeks, Wil not small enough to hide in a cupboard and when did Jon get taller than her.  I kept thinking of that not only can I not look at my own children without seeing them as they were when they were little, but I also have a hard time looking at my brothers and sisters and wondering when we got so old.  The lines from the Fiddler on the Roof song , Sunrise/Sunset, have kept going through my mind: Is this the little girl I carried? Is this the little boy at play? I don't remember growing older. When did they?

Many things can be said about wasting time, losing time, killing time.  But I find myself more and more cherishing time, relishing time, spending time.  When we are together as a family, those brief moments of time are more valuable than all else.  Time stops for no one, and time brings change.  Nothing is ever the same as it once was, so I am grateful for those times that we can look back and not regret.  I think that is why this quote attributed to Gordon B. Hinckley was so meaningful to me this week: 

“Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he’s been robbed. The fact is that most putts don’t drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to just be people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey…delays…sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling burst of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride.”

Then and Now

Dickamore Family about 1979

Rick with his brothers 1975

Jon, Wil, Alex, Hunter and Brittney 1998

Tiffany 1998

Everyone, January 29, 2012

Our children 2003

January 29, 2012

Wil and Hunter 1996

Wil and Hunter 2011

Death, Facebook and Media

I recently finished reading "Death by Facebook".  One of the plot lines utilized by author Everett Peacock was the announcement of a death on social media.  The presentation of the concept in this case dealt with family members first learning of the death of a loved one by reading it on Facebook and followed their subsequent reaction.  

I have read many tributes on Facebook written by friends regarding loved ones who have passed on.  These tributes are often more heartfelt and more personal than what is normally found in a newspaper obituary.  They allow the individual left behind to voice their feelings in a forum that allows for expression without the requirement for response.  It becomes a way for us to support one another and provide our strength and prayers to a friend in need no matter how near or far away we may be.  

I have a friend who has worked tirelessly to a create a tribute album to individuals who have passed on that were associated with our high school.  This has provided us a way to eulogize these individuals and remember the good times as a group.  

While I have not experienced the death of an immediate family member, I do know that our family was the recipient of this level of support and comfort when our house was destroyed.  Those immediate messages of support helped us get through the shock of those first days.  Then there were the continued messages checking in on us as we rebuilt.  It never failed that on the days that I felt the worst, someone would say something that would help me.

When I first pondered the idea of a parent learning that a child had died by reading it on Facebook, my reaction was that it could never happen.  Then I remembered that my cousin learned about our home on the ten o'clock news.  She had been travelling to Southern Utah to visit us, had arrived later than expected and had tried to reach us by phone after checking into her hotel.  When she couldn't reach us, she decided to go to bed and try again in the morning.  It was then that she turned on the news to see pictures and video of our home in flames.  

I have also had friends who have turned on the TV or gone online to learn of family members involved in accidents as the media hustles to provide "Breaking News".  In one extreme case, the media broadcast an image of the body bags lying on the side of the road next to the crumpled remains of the family car. The days of withholding information till next of kin has been notified are no more.  The need to be first and most sensational rule over compassion.

Now I have learned that there is an app that will allow an individual to compose their last words to be published to their Facebook page after they have died.  While the developer has tried to implement safeguards to prevent an accidental posting, I don't know enough about how the app works to know how effective these precautions will be.  Since I do believe that life continues beyond what we know here on Earth, I can't help but imagine the hurt that could be caused by such a posting, especially by someone who approached the app with a sense of flippancy or an attitude that it is just another Facebook game.  

While I can also see the peace that may be provided to those left behind, I would hope that I can live my life so that those I leave behind will know how I feel without needing to read it on the web.  Every morning as my children leave for school, I make sure to tell them that I love them.  My husband and I never go our separate ways without a kiss goodbye, even if it is just running up the street to get a gallon of milk.  I try to never end a phone call or a  online chat with a family member without saying I love you.  I try to let my friends know on a regular basis how much I appreciate the role they have in my life, whether in person or online.  I  have no great words of wisdom that I feel compelled to leave, but I hope to live a life that will leave the world in a better place.

Lesson in Faith

I saw this quote today, "Faith in God includes faith in His timing."  These simple words really struck home to me.  I consider myself a person of faith, but I often find myself asking why a thing happened or why another thing hasn't happened.  I often find myself saying, "When I get to heaven I am going to ask God why?"  To me faith is not always needing to know the why or how now, but knowing that one day I will be able to have the answers.  Faith is acting in the way my conscience guides me to act without knowing the why.  Faith is knowing that my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love me and want me to be happy.  They see the "Big Picture" and my view is just a megapixel of that design.

What does faith mean to you?